It is said that every human-being is a social animal. Just watch the word ‘social’. Isn’t it a cumulative term with inter-relatedness? So what do you require to survive in a social milieu? It is true that you can live with minimum contacts with other human-beings. But survival is the game of the fittest. To survive, you need to be successful, but through what? This needs careful consideration. Survival has been possible by sharing. Sharing is the only medium that creates a ‘space’ for you everywhere. When you share your feelings, thoughts and ideas with others effectively, you carve out an image before everybody about your personality. It is surprising that ‘sharing’ is not only possible by words but it is more useful even in ‘silence’. How? It is because, when you are silent, you just listen. But listening is where most people lack patience. Everybody in the world is mad to air his ideas and achievements, but very impatiently he refuses to listen to others. When you fail to listen, your personality simply fails to leave an impression, which can have negative impact on both your professional as well as personal life. So, what makes you a good listener?
What makes you a good listener?
• The books of management communication say that “the road to influencing people starts from the narrow path of listening”. The most discerning point here is that there is a difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is not part of communication. But listening happens at two places; the first place is at the level of words, and the second is at the level of feelings. You listen correctly, when words touch the chord of your feelings. But same is not true with hearing. Hearing takes place only at the level of words. There words do not go to the levels of feelings.
• When there is listening, automatically there is empathy in the listener’s heart. He listens to the words of the speaker and imagines himself at the listener’s place. He assesses the person’s feelings. Feelings speak the veracity behind the speaker’s words. Tone, temper of expression and reasons for those feelings play important role in making bridges of communication. By listening, you share the feelings of the speaker and naturally win his appreciation.
• There may be some distortion in the speaker’s words but by listening to those, you correctly assess his value and at a later stage bring correction in that without hurting his ego. That makes you win his confidence.
The reasons for which you do not listen
• You do not have interest to listen: You do not want to listen because your mind is “switched off”. Your lack of interest blocks your mind fully, for which you deny to listen.
• Your ego: This is the biggest deterrent. You have either pre-conceived ideas or feelings of superiority for which you are not interested to listen. Ego simply closes your mind and does not allow you to listen to other’s fruitful ideas.
• Preconceived ideas: You might not have ‘ego’ but very strong pre-conceived ideas, which do not allow you to listen. For instance, your father worked on a manual type-writer throughout his life and gave you the idea that nothing could match the efficiency of a manual type-writer, considering its no requirement of power and small size. You imbibed such idea and suppose somebody suggested you to go for DTP, naturally you would not listen.
• Preoccupation with your Self: Spiritualists often speak about ‘I’-consciousness meaning fullest preoccupation with your Self and related aspects like your appearance, family background, richness and qualification etc. While being preoccupied with all these things, you would not like to listen to others’ ideas. In simple terms, you are unable to reach to the creative realm, which lies beyond your preoccupied status.
• You are afraid to lose: Psychologists have divided fear in to two categories i.e. biological and psychological. Fear towards water, fire and winds are biological and present equally in every human-being. But there is another kind of fear, which comes from wrong perception. Suppose, you see a rope in the darkness and assume it to be a viper and begin shouting. You would not listen to others explanation that it is a rope till somebody shows grabbing it by his hand. This is just an example. Psychological fear is a deterrent in listening.
• ‘I know it all’ trap: When you spend years in doing something, gradually you evolve around a familiarity trap that you know everything. You react and do not listen, when somebody contradicts your ideas.
Ways to improve listening
• Try to improve concentration- It is something easier said than done. For people lagging behind in concentration, there are two kinds of practices:
1. Every day sit in a chair and listen to a particular person’s words for five minutes. During this, keep full eye-contact with the speaker. This will gradually give you a better listening power.
2. Second practice is more delicate. It is while you work on anything, observe your breathing. Feel that you feel the slight coolness while you breathe in and slight warmth when you breathe out. This practice gradually makes you overcome your habit of inattentiveness and make listening better.
Conclusion
You might have seen it on posters at storefront or is familiar with these words “Be careful of your words, those once spoken cannot be taken back”. Words do not cost us anything, but they shape our destiny. In professional sphere, words play a very important role. Telephonic conversations, presentation, expressing your views at meetings and explaining to your clients regarding your products consume almost all your professional time. For a business executive, proper dressing, clear articulation and related neat habits are essential for making successful impression on the customers. But we don’t just speak words, we listen to them too. In fact listening plays more important role in the use of words than speaking. If you want to improve your personality and be noticed, speak less and listen more.